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Time

I have not updated this blog in close to a year.

What can I say about this, what are my excuses, what are the reasons this time…

Truth to those questions are … Not a damn thing.

Life happens.

Some good, some bad… most of those moments when I reflect led me to where I am today.

What I have realized in that reflection is time can be your friend or your foe.

It can truly be a mirror of your true inner happiness or turmoil.

September 15, 2014

That was one of the worst and best days of my life.

It was the moment when I had to make one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make.

It was also the same day where I chose to put my well-being first before any emotions I was feeling.

For over a year, I collectively made the decisions that set me 112 lbs. lighter.

Even more so I was soaring in self-confidence.

I was finally living in a skin that felt like me.

I wasn’t at my goal but I was seeing the world with a different set of lenses.

Time stamp to present day.

I have almost gained all of my weight back.

I feel foreign in my own body.

I am in a shell I don’t comprehend.

It's familiar, I walked in these shoes before.

However, I don’t quite remember being this uncomfortable the first time around.

It was like scene 1 I didn’t quite know any different, so what does it matter.

Now, I have seen the horizon and I am back in the darkness.

The struggle is real.

Every single minute is a reminder to my failed attempt.

If and when I work-out now I feel the extra weight with every ounce of my being.

People say let past be past but how do you do so, when you feel that way?

Truth is I am still proud of my original achievement. I am mad at myself for letting it go.

Did I learn lessons on both sides of the fence? Absolutely.

Every minute of every day has a lesson to be learned.

So my answer on how to solve to what I feel is a problem is as follows…

Time.

As I stated earlier, TIME can be your friend or your foe.

The first year + of my climb to this place of internal contentment and external achievement time was my closest friend.

The time following my frustration on the scale not moving began my spiral which was then was my worst enemy… my foe.

My question to myself is … now what do I choose to do with my time.

Do I support another year of setting myself back? Or do I support the cause of seeing myself propel forward?

I choose forward.

I choose happiness.

I choose my laughter, love & light.

Ultimately… I choose me.

I choose to put me first before every decision that needs to be made.

I choose to make decisions every day that put me on that path.

Eventually those “days” will be a week, “weeks” will be a month… “months” will be a year.

Time is what sets the standard. Time is now my ultimate goal.

Make good choices, let time happen.

I hope this message finds you well.

Laughter, Love & Light,

Steph