It has been some time since I posted an update on my blog. I feel like it's been long over due. That maybe you might think I have fallen off the wagon or went back to my "old" ways.
I have had a rough few months, I will not tell a lie. However, I am not lost... nor am I not still on my journey... I am just on a different phase of it. This one unfortunately has had stumbles.
However, in my small stumbles I find myself always right side up and moving forward.
Which is FAR from my old ways.
I have been whole heartedly frustrated that the scale consistantly plateaus.
That has created me to look at my efforts and find somethig new to shock my system.
OR thinking maybe it is hormonal changes OR honestly it has me questioning what am I doing wrong??
In my deep reflection. I realized that some time ago, I started lose sense of self again.
I started to let things / people in that weren't of a benefit to my achievement.
In essence started to let my emotions take hold of me.
Even though, I wasn't seeing a dramatic weight gain or weight loss. I created an environment that somehow was all to comfortable and familiar. I realized even though I might have found the "comfort" I needed. It was far from healthy for me and the scale, the delay was reflecting that.
Which in my actions, I feel in some ways I wasn't sabatoging myself but creating this unnecessary wall which was holding me back from moving further along on my journey.
So with this recent epiphany I question what do I do now with this knowledge I have gained.
Well, it is not starting at square one... whew. It is not holding a grudge against myself because that would be counter productive.
The answer is still simply what I have said in the past. The answer is and will always be love.
Most importanly 'loving yourself'. I found out by accepting less then what I deserve, is in essence not allowing me to love myself. It is settling for what I am less then, making excuses for it over and over again.
What I see most clearly now is we all have patterns that reinact over again in our lives.
Whether that be stuff that stems from childhood or relationships. These patterns whether be good or bad play a big part into how deep our roots are firmly planted to give us balance.
This situation that I am speaking of had no chance of balance in my life. I am empathetic, I want love and balance for everyone. I found myself wanting that more for someone else then for my own self. Which again is a pattern in the past that is once again repeating.
So knowing and acknowledging this now... I can say I need to do what is best for me.
I can not be there for anyone else if I am not 100% for me first. That is not being "selfish", it certainly doesn't mean I do not care, it just means... anything / anyone who I deem unhealthy for me sense of self, I need to keep at arms length or let go of.
If I want to achieve my goals. If want to move forward and create the life for me I want.